Everywhere I go now
I carry small pieces of green glass with me,
Worn smooth by the ceaseless sea,
And made pale by the powerful sun.
Broken and discarded yet also a small token of delight.
Each time I find some lying on the beach,
I pick it up. I pocket it.
And always it makes me think of you.
Sometimes I am surprised, shocked that time had passed without me realising,
since I thought about you last.
And I will always wonder,
And ask myself so many questions,
All borne from my guilt or my anger or my grief,
For I always thought that you would win.
Yet perhaps I am looking at all your battles
from all the wrong angles.
And maybe you did.
It still hurts, just like the pain of pressing on a bruise,
A disbelieving cry caught in the throat of frozen time.
Although it aches less most days than it once did,
And I have learned to live with that.
For every time I find those small pieces of green glass,
I cannot help but smile.
For these are messages to remind me of
my purpose here,
To know where I fit now in this world,
Still with you yet without you,
As I remember you fondly once again.